He Is Not Mine
I date multiple men. Let's start there. I am single, as in I am not in a committed monogamous relationship. In order for me to ever commit to one man in that kind of way, its imperative of me to date multiple men until I decide I only want to date one.
Before you form opinons on what it means for me to "date multiple men," go read these posts on my website to understand my philosophy.
1. The Misperception of a Woman Who Loves Multiple Men
2. 7 Important and Simple Facts About My Love Life
3. What You Should Absolutely Know If You Want All Of Me
Once you read those three posts, some of your initial questions and perceptions will probably be answered when it comes to how I date, how it is possible to love/fuck/commit to more than one person and how maybe I am polyamorous but I could just as easily commit to one man.
It should also be noted that dating multiple men is also different than having an open relationship. In an open relationship, two people have a committed partnership/relationship. However, their relationship may not be monogamous and they set the boundaries for what that means.
In talking to one of my close male friends, who tends to read my sex blog and ask provocative questions about my choices in lovers, the topic came up on why I am open to "open relationships." The following is my response to him. This was written years ago and it only scratches the surface.
Why open relationships? Well, one, I believe open relationships doesn’t necessarily mean fuck everybody all the time. I believe it means open communication and open mindsets. In some relationships you can’t even say, “I think I want you to tie me up and bite me.” That would freak the significant other the hell out. I want to always have an open relationship where even my darkest fantasies can be spoken without judgement and condemnation. I want the freedom of open communication even if it does not lead to sex with others. Some people do not even have that.
Also "open" as it relates to sex with other people because I think it is human nature. I believe it is possible to love more than one person. I think sometimes sex is just sex. I think it is possible for a man to love me and cherish me and want to fuck another woman without it having anything to do with me and him. In that regard, that is why I am "open" or "poly."
Also, sometimes all that you or I want or need may not be available in one person. They may not be capable of providing everything we desire and I do not think the test of human character is in sacrificing, compromising or dismissing all of your desires to placate our modern day understanding of relationships and sex. I’m ok with someone I’m with experiencing other people for desires, sex or conversations. I mean, what if he said he likes when women dress as horses and then he fucks them in that costume? What if that's just his occassional kink? I am not gonna dress up like a horse. As of today, it is in my "hell the fuck no" list. But if he finds a woman that will do that and that’s something he enjoys, more power to the two of them. Lastly, he is not mine. He is not my possession. We are making a choice to commit but it does not bind us. I believe in freedom. Therefore him having sex with another woman has nothing to do with me trusting him. It is simply, he has a connection with someone and he wants to have sex with them. Do I trust that even while fucking other women, he’ll still love me? Him loving me is his own choice. He could stop at any time. That is his choice to make. But he is not mine. I am not his. We don’t own or owe each other. We choose each other.
Over time I will have to articulate more of what it means for me to date multiple men, what my philosophy of open relationships are and how that all plays out. Until then, just nibble on these bits until I share more.
Sheena LaShay is a Wild Magical Woman, Intellectual Sensual Shaman, and Creative Artist. She writes for SheenaLaShay.com, Owning Pink, Verizon Wireless, Bodybinds and is the Co-President of the Pole Dancing Bloggers Association.
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Photo Credit: GettyImages Cultura/Matt Dutile